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My son is thirteen years old. He’s my only child. We are close, and I’m getting totally thrown for a loop by some of the behaviours that are coming with his entrance into teenagedoom. (How unique, you might chuckle!) So a friend of mine suggested a terrific book that I’m now reading — called “Parent Effectiveness Training” by Dr. Thomas Gordon.

As I read this book, the obvious comparisons to any relationship – particularly work relationships – just leap off the page. Dr. Gordon talks about “Active Listening” which is a process using “I-statements” not “You-statements.” Many of us have run across these concepts in marriage, family, and relationship counseling, and Dr. Gordon really articulates them clearly so they can immediately be taken home for a test drive.

Another gem Dr. Gordon brought up is anger — his view is that it’s a secondary emotion. He suggests that when we get angry, it happens (in a nanosecond usually) as a result of a primary emotion that is immediately masked by the anger. This is a problem because then we aren’t dealing with the underlying issue or emotion at all — just focusing on our angry feelings. This allows us to fail to look at our own part or our own behaviour – because anger is always directed outward.

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We are what we believe. Our thoughts create our perceptions, the lens through which we create our reality or worldview. In turn, our reality determines our actions. And the results of our actions reflect our beliefs!

We attract what we vibrate — what we believe. There are many books and films now that generate a great deal of attention — “The Secret” is an example of this — but remember Dr. Norman Vincent Peale? “The Power of Positive Thinking” — I have a pamphlet of Dr. Peale’s I’ve saved and hung on the bulletin board over my desk for about 15 years now — and the message is the same. Positive thinking, positive energy, positive vibration, prayer, healing, affirmations, gratitude, love, forgiveness, letting go — is a common thread running through teachings I’ve found very important in my own journey, from “The Course in Miracles” to “You Can Heal Your Life” (the powerful work of Louise Hay) to the wonderful work of Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Esther and Jerry Hicks, and many others.

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Spencer Johnson wrote a great little book that sales managers handed out by the millions called “Who Moved my Cheese?” I was managing a team of salespeople at the time it was first published and gave a copy to all my folks and read it myself. Quick read, took about an hour. Then I conducted a sales meeting to discuss the book.

Guess how many people had read it? About 30%. Guess how many people were performing at an acceptable level? About 30%. See a correlation here? Think my top two guys read it and also had some pretty insightful things to say about it — you bet!

And the 70% who didn’t read it also tended to be the ones who never worked a little extra, often complained they weren’t making enough, and didn’t want to venture out much to actually see their customers. Avoided finding new accounts or making a few cold calls, reading trade journals, or making other investments in their skills.

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